mammogram – One Pink Warrior

July 14, 2008: Scars

I had my surgery the first of this month. I guess that was the easy part of this new challenge in my life. Everything has happened so fast, my head still spins when I think about how little time has passed since I was diagnosed with breast cancer. June 10th…

I have a couple new scars to add to my heart shaped one: A crescent moon on one breast and an ugly 2 inch scar under my arm where they took out the lymph nodes. That one hurt the most. For the first few days after the surgery I was drugged up because it was hard for me to move around without being in pain. It was hard to breathe, I couldn’t sit up. Thank God for my mom, she stayed to take care of me. And most importantly, fed me my pills.

Now it’s 2 weeks since my surgery and my stitches are gone and I’m feeling a little more like myself, I know I still have chemo and radiation coming up, but knowing the cancer is out makes me feel a little lighter.

When I look in the mirror now, I still look like the same person, feel the same, but I can see the scars. When I see them, I remember the pain, I feel my fear return and my scars remind me….I have a long road ahead of me. I don’t know what I can do to make this easier, I just know that I have to. And this will be very hard for me to do.

I see my oncologist next week…I’m gonna lose my hair!

The Day I Found Out I Had Cancer

It’s Cancer- June 10, 2008 The Day I found Out I Had Cancer

I finally had a dreaded mammogram a couple weeks ago and I’m very glad that I did. After a week I was called back in to have an ultrasound done at which time my doctor decided to do a biopsy. The following week was hell but nothing could have prepared me for what I was told yesterday in the doctor’s office.

I have breast cancer. It has started in a lobule in my left breast where it has nested and begun to spread. I’m very lucky it was caught early and they are very positive about my recovery. While my head spins with so many questions and regrets, I can’t really recall anything else the doctor said after that. Something about scheduling surgery, radiation…i don’t know it all swirled around my head, not getting to my brain.

The first thing I did was break down and cry. I called my family…whoa is me…then I cried some more. I smoked a lot and decided to do a shot of jack. To calm the nerves…really…so I could figure out what to do next. What I decided to do was call a friend, go to the bar and watch the Laker game. Yeah. That’ll get my mind off it for awhile. And it did. But I can’t remember who won the game and I still don’t know where to go from here.

Well, now that it has settled in a bit and have decided to find out more about this….I’m going to read the book they gave me and get my questions together for my surgical consult on Tuesday. Back at work today my team rallied their support and now I have so many resources. Now I feel a little more settled, at least in the knowing that others have made it, and I can too. I just need to keep positive and keep strong. This is going to be a long fight.

Now…how do I tell the kids?

The Beginning of The Journey

This is the excerpt for your very first post.

Subject: Ok, I get it! I’ll use sunblock!

Category: Life

5/14/2008

Mood: Impatient

I used to have the cutest little beauty mark on my tummy. About the size of a ladybug, perfectly round. It was during my last doctor’s appointment that I noticed it was starting to look like a little heart. I asked my doctor about it and after examining it, he referred me to a dermatologist.

It took me awhile to see this doctor, I started getting all kinds of images in my head about…what if its…uh…what I do? I made myself sick thinking about it. It got to the point that fire zombies were visiting me in my dreams trying to bite off my cute little heart shaped beauty mark. I couldn’t even talk about it. Well, the doctor’s office finally called me and scheduled the appointment. Ok, I made the first step with a little help.

The doctor and I decided to remove the whole thing, ..ouch…the second step. I have a bigger mark in its place, but that’s okay. The doctor asked me how much time I spend in the sun and if I used sunblock. I never thought I had to use sunblock. I’m in the sun all the time. I’m at the beach, by the pool…I never think about it, really. The doctor recommended an SPF of at least 30. Well…ok, oh yeah, for sure…if thats what it takes to keep the cancer away I’ll do it! Even if it’s cloudy!

Well, I haven’t gotten the results yet. It hasn’t even been a week. But I’m definitely covering up! An ounce of prevention right? I’m feeling a little anxious, but then again, I’m always kinda anxious….I can’t help it. While I’m waiting for the results…I scheduled a mammogram. I’ve been putting it off for too long.